In a world where millennial partners are seeking help to fit into parenthood well, we have our parents-
“I didn’t raise you to be so sensitive.”
“I can’t sit unless the house looks perfect.”
“I don’t have time to make friends when I’ve two jobs and a mortgage.”
“Don’t worry about me eating. I’ll just grab something after everyone else.”
These aren’t just words but quiet signs of the weight they’ve been carrying without even realizing it. Sure, they’ve been parenting for at least 10-15 years, but not once have they thought, “Oh, I think I might need therapy for my mental health.”
To understand the why, we need to understand the how.
How they were raised
Imagine growing up in a suburb where there were church-going, family-loving families. Everyone looks picture perfect. Then, suddenly, one day you hear your neighbour, a hard-working father of 3, lost his life to years of struggle with alcohol.
You could hear whispers all around. People have made their conclusions as to why it happened, and the families are too ashamed to accept or deny allegations. There could be numerous reasons why a person would take such a step, but back then, emotional needs were often minimized.
The neighborhood falls into whispers. No one speaks openly, but everyone has a theory. The family, overwhelmed by both loss and judgment, retreats into silence. Back then, emotional pain wasn’t something people named or talked about. It would be minimized, brushed aside-
“You’re fine,””Toughen up”, and the worst, “Real men don’t cry”.
The word ‘burnout’ hadn’t been coined yet, but it was widely prevalent. Daily stress became the norm. No one would think twice about having an off day to unwind. Work, eat, sleep, repeat.
You would think, having experienced such cold ways of living and neglecting mental health, our boomer parents might be in touch with their emotions. Yet, they don’t, which makes you think-
Why haven’t many long-time parents sought mental help even after decades?
They were raised to push through, not pause. They learned early on that emotions should be managed silently and not shared. Due to this, boomer parents have built an identity around being strong, capable, and holding it all together. If a mother’s mind is crumbling to pieces, she’ll make her home squeaky clean. If a father is stressed at home, he’ll have an outburst at work. The list goes on and on, but the conclusion remains the same. Many still resist seeking help.
They fear being judged or misunderstood, especially in cultures where therapy still holds stigma. Can you blame them? They grew up never being asked how they felt. Not as children. Not as parents. Only how their kids were doing.
In most cases, they simply believe it’s not something that can be helped or deserves care.
How to identify if your parents’ mental health is harmed?
Emotional and Mental Health
Persistent sadness or anxiety- Everyone has hard days, but if your parent seems constantly anxious or down, and it’s affecting their daily life, it may signal a deeper issue that shouldn’t be ignored.
Difficulty managing emotions- Frequent anger, frustration, or emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion may reflect unaddressed internal struggles.
Irritability that feels constant- When even small things trigger big reactions, it could be more than just a bad mood. It might point to chronic stress or emotional exhaustion.
Pulling away from loved ones- Avoiding family time, skipping social events, or becoming unusually quiet may be signs of depression, anxiety, or burnout.
Feelings of hopelessness or low self-worth- If your parent talks about feeling like a burden, or expresses a deep sense of failure or futility, these are serious signals that they may need professional care.
Behavioral Changes
Sleep or appetite shifts- Sleeping too much or too little, sudden changes in eating habits, these physical shifts often mirror emotional strain.
Losing interest in things they used to enjoy- If your parent no longer finds joy in hobbies, socializing, or routines that once lit them up, it could be a sign of emotional disconnect or depression.
Increased reliance on substances- Using alcohol, medication, or other substances to cope with stress or numbing feelings can be a red flag for deeper emotional pain.
Unusual defiance or volatile behavior- If your parent becomes overly combative, reactive, or unpredictable, it may be their way of expressing internal tension they don’t know how to name.
Talk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts- This requires immediate attention. If they ever hint at giving up or express thoughts of self-harm, seeking help is urgent and necessary.
Family Dynamics and Relationships
Struggling to communicate or resolve conflict- If conversations often turn into arguments or silence, it might reflect emotional overwhelm or unresolved personal stress.
Inconsistent or reactive parenting- Frequent changes in parenting tone from disengaged to over-controlling can point to internal imbalance and burnout.
Emotional distance in the home- When a parent or family member starts emotionally withdrawing, it may mean they’re struggling to keep it together behind the scenes.
Other Warning Signs
Major life transitions- Big changes like divorce, retirement, empty nesting, job loss, or grief can bring emotional upheaval that takes time and support to process.
Caring for someone else with mental health issues- Parents supporting a child or partner with emotional challenges often ignore their own needs. That silent weight can take a toll over time.
Battling a chronic or serious illness- Living with a long-term physical illness can take a heavy emotional toll. The stress, isolation, and fatigue that come with managing a health condition often go unspoken, but they’re just as important to care for.
5 ways you can help them
It’s painful to see someone you love struggle. And just like you wouldn’t leave them alone through a physical illness, they shouldn’t have to face emotional pain on their own either. Parents may not realize it, but they could be carrying the weight of untreated depression, anxiety, grief, or other broader mental health challenges.
While you might think Why are they not seeking help, you must remember that this is what they’ve been taught and believed in all their lives. It is your responsibility as their child to help them understand that it is okay to not be okay. Unfortunately, those who need therapy the most are often the last to see it.
Here’s how you can help them take the first step towards mental healing-
- Be honest. Sometimes knowing that their mental health is affecting the people they love can be the motivation they need to consider therapy. Let them know you’re not placing blame. You’re speaking up because you care, and their well-being matters to you. Cry your eyes off if that helps convey your emotions, just do not lose your calm.
- Start open, stigma-free conversations. Share something you aren’t comfortable talking about, like an experience your parents didn’t know, or what goes on in your mind that bothers you, etc., to help them open up. When parents hear that their child, someone who seems happy and doing well, has also chosen to seek support, it can help normalize the idea for them. It shows that therapy isn’t a sign of weakness but a tool for growth.
- Suggest trying one session. Surely they never bought a car without a test ride, right?
- Tell them it’s affordable and accessible. Worrying about cost is real, and for many parents, it’s one of the biggest reasons they never even consider therapy. However, many platforms, like Insight Therapy Solutions, offer affordable online therapy with insurance. From Medicare, BCBS, Medicaid, and so many more, there’s a good chance they’re already covered. They just don’t know it yet.
- Suggest online therapy. Convincing a parent to take time out of their day, travel, and sit face-to-face with a therapist isn’t easy, especially when therapy still feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. However, they’ll be more open to virtual therapy (or teletherapy). Let them know they can speak to a therapist from home or any space they feel safe in. It will help them feel more confident. Insight Therapy Solutions only offers virtual therapy sessions with the best psychologists and therapists.
Bottom line is- It’s okay if your parent doesn’t say yes right away to mental healing
Change takes time, especially when someone’s spent a lifetime believing they have to hold it all together. But just by bringing it up, you’re planting a seed in their mind. Normalize talking about mental health with them in your household. Show them that care, softness, and support are possible. They may not have been asked how they were feeling before, but you can be the one who finally does.
If this reminds you of your parent, you’re not alone. Many of us see the signs but aren’t sure how to help.
At Insight Therapy Solutions, we’re here to make that first step feel easier. You can help introduce your parent to online therapy with us. We offer a free 15-30-minute matchmaking call to understand their needs and match them with the right therapist because therapy works best when the connection feels right. This match-making call is to make sure they get the care they deserve from someone who truly understands them. Anyone can also call us at 888-409-8976 to enquire about our services, insurance, book an appointment, etc.
